Things I Learned on CSI
by drakien
Summary: You learn all kinds of things watching the show!
1. Default Chapter

** Things I Learned on CSI**

**Rated:** PG

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, because if I did, Sofia would **so** have been mauled by the bear. Go read CSInut214's story…you'll understand! I was sitting there, and when the ep started, I was saying to myself, "You know, Self, they haven't added the Evil Blonde Bitch to the cast intro…maybe she's not long for this world." Then we get to the end, and Sofia said "I really enjoyed working with you". The past tense was instantly noticed, and I'm going "YES YES YES! Buh-bye!" Then, we get "Have dinner with me." "Okay." _fade to black _**NOOOOOO!**

**Spoilers:** Unbearable (good title, as it also was unbearable to watch those last 5 minutes)

**A/N:** The title of this should be familiar to any of you out there who watch Spike TV, which airs 2 reruns of CSI every night during the week. If you're like me, you do this because Santa is a poo-head and brought you clothes for Christmas, instead of the CSI seasons on DVD that you asked for. Ah well. A few of these can be credited to my beta, Afissa Shah. She doesn't have TV, so I was trying to explain to her the horror that was the piece-of-crap episode this past week, and she gently guided me to some of these realizations. Hope everyone enjoys, and please review! I love reviews! Also, if you guys have any you want added, I'll happily add more. ;P

**I've Learned…**

When you find yourself screaming and waving your arms at the TV, you realize that the writers **really** have you by the short-hairs. You also scare your husband.

Despite the fact that hissing at the TV whenever certain blondes appear makes you feel better, it makes those around you nervous, and apparently has no effect on the writers.

We should at no point expect the writers to do what we want. I'm actually pretty sure they read our fanfic and do the dead opposite of what we want.

The people on this forum ROCK, and would make much better writers for the show. The producers should give the characters to us for an episode or two. It would be great! Well, it would most likely be a mass orgy, but it would be great!

The blonde bitch on 'Alias' that messed up the whole Sydney/Vaughn dynamic for _AN ENTIRE SEASON_ turned out to be evil and was killed. I hold out similar hope for CSI.

Some people feel that if the sexual tension between Sara and Grissom were ever resolved, it would ruin the show. This is simply not true.

After being a die-hard fan of CSI from the get-go, you occasionally have random thoughts when someone pisses you off, like "You know, I could probably kill him/her and get away with it…"

A true CSI addict cannot listen to any station of the radio without thinking, "Aww…that is the _perfect_ song for (insert couple of choice here; for me is GS all the way)!"

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That's all for now…if I get some good suggestions, I'll add another chapter. Thanks all! 


	2. Chapter 2

Things I Learned on CSI – Part 2 

**Rated:** PG

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, much to my dismay.

**Spoilers:** None, really

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for the reviews. Thought I'd add a few more to the list. Sorry it took me FOREVER to update…real life sucks! Thanks to everyone for contributing! New additions to the list will always be welcomed with open arms! Reviews welcome.

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**I've Learned…**

When interviewing a suspect, "I love my wife" "I killed my wife"

Normal people just do not understand our CSI addiction. Case in point, when I told my husband that the actress playing Sofia was pregnant, and would therefore possibly be leaving the show soon, he said, "Maybe they'll write her pregnancy into the show…Grissom's love-child." _shudder_

The most brilliant of men (i.e. Grissom) can be dumb as rocks when it comes to women

Vaguely threatening letters to TPTB can ease your conscience.

Even if you mutilate surgical masks, contaminate latex gloves, and chat with your girlfriend on the workphone, you'll never get fired as long you're wacky.

Dominatrixes are, of course, inexplicably attracted to supernerds.

You can be arrested for driving while under the influence and still keep your job even though your co-worker is developing an ulcer the size of a basketball over his possible arrest.

The blondes always get what they want. (This is especially true in Italy…I spent two weeks there watching men drool over my sister)

Grissom can't hear you from your living room, no matter how loud you scream.

The producers won't say if Grissom was with Lady Heather even if you berate them with e-mails and letters in protest. (Not that any of us have done that)

The police don't appreciate when you yell things like "Test insert object here for semen!" or "You just contaminated that evidence by breathing on it!" over the police line. They also don't like it when you try to go under said police line with a pair of tweezers and some rubber gloves, and promptly begin to tackle you and stray you with mace.

If your Genetics professor tells you that you need to choose a genetic disorder to research over the semester, and the first one that comes to mind is otosclerosis, you are a big nerd (author points to herself)


End file.
